This is well... a story of myself i usually do myself as a
dragon cause that how i escape... i mix my fantasy into my real life... but
this I’me... I’m not going to...
Most of this started back when i was admitted at the hospital, recently diagnosed with extreme depression and severe social anxiety.
Most of this started back when i was admitted at the hospital, recently diagnosed with extreme depression and severe social anxiety.
May 20, 2016 i was brought into emergency for self harm. After a few hours of
waiting the doctor took us to the psych ward... or "psych emerge"
security guards nearby as well, they were friendly yes very friendly. Another
few hours pass and its clear I’m going to be staying here so I’m all excited
thinking that its all going to be a joy ride. I have my phone so what could go
wrong, the only one who kept me sane in that small room was my boyfriend we
don't live in the same city no, I’m in Canada. HI’m in the states so far apart
but we were and we still are closer than anyone could expect from a long
distance relationship. He is my world, he kept me alive to this point cause a
few months ago i would have ended it all because of my family.
But he was
there. He called and i put the knife down and fell asleep to his voice saying
positive things. He just has that perfect Texan accent i love. But i love hI’m
for who he is... not what he looks like but for his personality, for hI’m just
being hI’m. Days pass and I’m waiting to get to the unit still, my boyfriend
always there but i don’t fully rely on him, only cause of hI’m i can stand on
my own but i still need hI’m by my side and i always will. On May 24 I’m
finally brought up to the unit, unit 23 i thought it was going to be fun. I
fought back when they said i no longer had the right to talk to my boyfriend.
But eventually they got me to give in, a few days i stay in bed... crying,
hoping i would get out of that hell.
June 14
Annoying new roommate obsessed with Attack on Titan... kissed me right away when the nurses left our room... short little one, transgender too. I didn’t fight back because i would be at fault, nobody would believe that i was trying to stop this person. Later that night i was touched sexually in my sleep... i woke to this but acted asleep knowing i cant do anything, as the aggressive one i would be at fault, it would not be self defense to the nurses.
June 20
still getting worse i hate it and I’m beginning to starve myself, all they want to do is control me. But I’m not some pet, individual work humph and ANGER management, if i never had this self taught anger management a lot of people would be dead right now. So I don’t need that never have and never will.
June 28
Discharge meeting, finally i can go home. And home is where i want to stay.
A few hours and I are on the couch snuggling one of my cats Sweet pea. I’m happy and i enjoy being home for the first I’m in a month it’s wonderful.
The next few days are good very good I’m losing weight which is AMAZING for me and I’m super excited for school in a few months new high school... better than the one i was at before, no more bullies cause I’m in a program with other teens just like me.
About a month passes and I’m taken out of my favorite summer camp a day after i get there, I’m devastated at the loss and attempt suicide but again my boyfriend was there so I calmed down. Later that day we have to pack a few things again for a meeting with a place called Woods homes. Mom leaves and I’m left without the love of my life again... I’m trapped again going through the same thing over and over again. No phone again, so its tough cause my boyfriend promised he would always be here for me, he has probably plotted murders for everyone at this place knowing how difficult it is for me here away from home and away from hI’m...
Another month later its the first day of school and my last day at woods. Also my first day at home again. School is amazing it really is... after the breakup it was difficult,
the breakup happened one night. I was having a bad day and he was there... he told me he wasn’t feeling okay so i did my usual, i helped hI’m to his feet, i helped hI’m fight the depression. Then his mother texts me.. we have a conversation. In the end i broke up with hI’m because of her... i didn’t know she would use my mental disabilities to get in my head... i threaten her the next day cause i was trying to defend myself. Even after the event I and he are close...
Three weeks after the breakup i can’t take it anymore so he asks to try again with a relationship knowing it was hard for me to call hI’m "beastie" when i had such strong feelings for hI’m, and he the same feelings for me. We forget about the breakup and continue loving each other secretly. Our bond stronger than ever now. We both know it will never break, our love is strong and we always help each other. I want to plan a trip to see hI’m but i give up... because i know mom will never let me go because she hates me... and since grandma moved to the other province (British Columbia) it’s been hard...
October 6
It’s my special boy's birthday today... he turns seventeen today. I love hI’m so much, and grandma comes six days from now and i am so happy! My birthday gift to hI’m is a drawing, that was also an art contest submission for the yearbook, he loves the drawing! He wishes to be with me so much but the distance still keeps us apart...
October 27 (today)
I’m still sick... sore as heck i can barely move without crying in pain. But nobody believes me as i am stuck in bed. When nobody is looking i take at least fifteen sleeping pills and start saying goodbye to everyone. Knowing my life will never get better. I wake a few hours later... depressed my suicide attempt didn’t work. And since my boyfriend was at school at the tI’me he could not talk much... he had to go to his car at lunch... to be alone, i texted hI’m later on... yet again... he is the only reason I’m still here... i fight only for hI’m...
If you say for me just to get over my depression, then you don’t know what it’s like. I skipped a lot of things because I’m in a rush right now... nobody believes my pain everyone thinks its a lie and I’m tired of it, I’m tired of being strong for everyone else when I’m treated so badly by most people. Scars cover my body neck to thighs each one a sign when i lost the emotional battle in my head. I have more to say but my story is boring nobody needs to know about my problems. As a dragon artist I’m always picked on... I’ve never taken art classes but I’m damn good at drawing dragons.
June 14
Annoying new roommate obsessed with Attack on Titan... kissed me right away when the nurses left our room... short little one, transgender too. I didn’t fight back because i would be at fault, nobody would believe that i was trying to stop this person. Later that night i was touched sexually in my sleep... i woke to this but acted asleep knowing i cant do anything, as the aggressive one i would be at fault, it would not be self defense to the nurses.
June 20
still getting worse i hate it and I’m beginning to starve myself, all they want to do is control me. But I’m not some pet, individual work humph and ANGER management, if i never had this self taught anger management a lot of people would be dead right now. So I don’t need that never have and never will.
June 28
Discharge meeting, finally i can go home. And home is where i want to stay.
A few hours and I are on the couch snuggling one of my cats Sweet pea. I’m happy and i enjoy being home for the first I’m in a month it’s wonderful.
The next few days are good very good I’m losing weight which is AMAZING for me and I’m super excited for school in a few months new high school... better than the one i was at before, no more bullies cause I’m in a program with other teens just like me.
About a month passes and I’m taken out of my favorite summer camp a day after i get there, I’m devastated at the loss and attempt suicide but again my boyfriend was there so I calmed down. Later that day we have to pack a few things again for a meeting with a place called Woods homes. Mom leaves and I’m left without the love of my life again... I’m trapped again going through the same thing over and over again. No phone again, so its tough cause my boyfriend promised he would always be here for me, he has probably plotted murders for everyone at this place knowing how difficult it is for me here away from home and away from hI’m...
Another month later its the first day of school and my last day at woods. Also my first day at home again. School is amazing it really is... after the breakup it was difficult,
the breakup happened one night. I was having a bad day and he was there... he told me he wasn’t feeling okay so i did my usual, i helped hI’m to his feet, i helped hI’m fight the depression. Then his mother texts me.. we have a conversation. In the end i broke up with hI’m because of her... i didn’t know she would use my mental disabilities to get in my head... i threaten her the next day cause i was trying to defend myself. Even after the event I and he are close...
Three weeks after the breakup i can’t take it anymore so he asks to try again with a relationship knowing it was hard for me to call hI’m "beastie" when i had such strong feelings for hI’m, and he the same feelings for me. We forget about the breakup and continue loving each other secretly. Our bond stronger than ever now. We both know it will never break, our love is strong and we always help each other. I want to plan a trip to see hI’m but i give up... because i know mom will never let me go because she hates me... and since grandma moved to the other province (British Columbia) it’s been hard...
October 6
It’s my special boy's birthday today... he turns seventeen today. I love hI’m so much, and grandma comes six days from now and i am so happy! My birthday gift to hI’m is a drawing, that was also an art contest submission for the yearbook, he loves the drawing! He wishes to be with me so much but the distance still keeps us apart...
October 27 (today)
I’m still sick... sore as heck i can barely move without crying in pain. But nobody believes me as i am stuck in bed. When nobody is looking i take at least fifteen sleeping pills and start saying goodbye to everyone. Knowing my life will never get better. I wake a few hours later... depressed my suicide attempt didn’t work. And since my boyfriend was at school at the tI’me he could not talk much... he had to go to his car at lunch... to be alone, i texted hI’m later on... yet again... he is the only reason I’m still here... i fight only for hI’m...
If you say for me just to get over my depression, then you don’t know what it’s like. I skipped a lot of things because I’m in a rush right now... nobody believes my pain everyone thinks its a lie and I’m tired of it, I’m tired of being strong for everyone else when I’m treated so badly by most people. Scars cover my body neck to thighs each one a sign when i lost the emotional battle in my head. I have more to say but my story is boring nobody needs to know about my problems. As a dragon artist I’m always picked on... I’ve never taken art classes but I’m damn good at drawing dragons.
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